Living With Learning - C'est La Vie
I published this post on April 16, 2015 in one of the numerous blogs I wanted to develop at that time. This was written as a required narrative for one of my MOO classes I was taking at that time. Since I was unable to continue developing that blog now at this pandemic times I am choosing to share as this is close to my reality as a city dweller.
A piece of fictional narrative submitted to a MOO class in 2013 entitled C'est la Vie.
"That's life. It was a phrase I often repeated after becoming an unwed mother. It was for the best because abortion could have been worse. Life changed. As soon as the father of my child refused to marry me, and disappeared. At 22, the stigma of life alone, with a child,and without a husband was too much to bear.
Call me stupid but poor me, how could I have been irresponsible? Worse, the values of honor and respectability sacredly honored by my family were all violated, by me.
Epictetus, the Greek sage and stoic philosopher said that, "external events are determined by fate beyond human control," and in order to gain wisdom, one must face and endure hardships with dignity and courage."
Epictetus was right; there exists an entity out there perhaps called a Divine Master, orchestrating mortal life events, someone so huge, calling the shots in the Universe. To my many questions, no answers could be found. It was time to accept that I was going to have a child.
The journey was not easy. It was a struggle to stay in a Catholic home for unwed mothers. Difficult as it was for her, my mother requested me to temporarily move out of our house to avoid gossip. It was actually a relief; saving her and the family from the resulting embarrassment.
But at work, my boss was far more forgiving, perhaps because I was not blood related or maybe because she was a woman, she allowed me an extended leave, free to come back soon after giving birth.
At the Home, the Nuns urged me to give up the baby for adoption. It was for the best of the child. Damn! What gives them the right to determine what is best for the baby?
I tried to take refuge at a friend's house, but not for long, her Mom said I needed to go back home; she didn't want to appear she condoned what happened; after all she was an active Catholic community lay leader.
To indulge in self-pity was out of the question, but I recognized that, "suffering and calamity," was an inseparable part of a larger reality. It was the way of stoicism.
I faced a hostile world, but I gathered strength enough to sustain an inner peace which was what I needed to do for the baby. Just as people and things possessed their own reasons for being, my mother could not accept what happened to me; she failed to grasp the meaning of what happened and instead blamed it on herself.
There must be a good reason why I became a mother at a very young age. It was definitely not a mistake - simply ill-timed. I accepted my fate because life chose me, I loved my child with the same conviction that I loved my mother. Perhaps, her lack of empathy at that point was temporary. The contradictions of life happened to show that life can not be lived without suffering, without sacrifice.
I understood that the father of my child loved his daughter, in his own way; different people expressed love differently. It was not easy, but in time I realized that love can not be measured and that was life. It was clear to me.
Love nurtured my daughter's life and hers mine. Her innocence showed me the beauty of the world, as I taught her the simplicity of life. In the daily battles of life, some were won, some were lost. The Universe chose us because life was meant to be lived and fought head on with courage and with acceptance.
I lived that life the best way I could. Today, I say life was the best gift ever and doing my best was its own reward."
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