Trust 102

"You can learn to trust someone perfectly--but that's risky. Even highly trustworthy people can always change. You can most probably, but not certainly, trust people if they have been regularly honest up to now. That is, if they are not too emotionally disturbed and if they subscribe to usual moral rules.

Even when you cannot trust some people, you can teach yourself to feel only healthily sorry and disappointed about their behavior but not unhealthily enraged and self-pityingly about them as persons. Trust yourself to stop damning people as a whole, no matter how badly they now behave. Then you may--yes, may--help them to become more trustworthy."

After an affair, or an equally disturbing revelation, most of us don't want the truth. We ask for reassurances from the very person who was dishonest with us. We demand details that are often torturous.

We may "police" them, looking for signs of straightforwardness. The way back to trust is counterintuitive: The issue is whether we can trust ourselves to make wise decisions.

We can ask, Can I, and do I, want to be with this person? Will I be honest about my thoughts and feelings? Will I take the risk to further this relationship, knowing I cannot control the other? What would I do if my partner chose to, once again, be dishonest with me?

Hurt does not heal instantly, but it can calm us to look into ourselves and see our real choices."

Popular posts from this blog

Intelligent car, anyone?

Image
I love intelligent or smart cars . I am sure you would too. 'The original idea behind the very short "smart car" was that the vehicle would be easy to park. It is short enough to allow it to be parked "nose-in" where a conventionally sized car would have to parallel park. Its length of 250 centimetres (98.4 in ) equals the width of a regular parking slot, allowing two or three smarts to park in the same space as one normal car if parked side-on to the usual parking direction'. Smart Car custom LCB (Lindt chocolate Bunny edition.) 'The project idea was originally started by Swiss watch manufacturer Swatch and was nicknamed the "Swatchmobile". The name SMART is an acronym for Swatch Mercedes ART . [1] [2] The car was supposed to use innovative features (such as a hybrid engine ) and to be an affordable car for young people. Similar to the objective for the Citroën 2CV in the 1940s , its purpose was to "transport two people and a...
Read more

Living with tropical cyclones

This time it is Juan; it almost totally devastated the province of Isabela and other nearby provinces. At the time I am writing this post there is a danger that it could return because it has remained quasi-stationary in the South China Sea. Rice warehouses, infrastructure, rice plantation in Isabela: everything almost wiped out. God help our country.
Read more

Thank God My Employer Took Out a Policy and so Did I

My life totally change when I got ill and was forced to resign from a full-time job. The pay was good but very stressful. I thought, yah, right. Now I can take a break. And what a break it was. My big hospital doctor and my family physician (FP) both discouraged me from leaving my job. Both were worried that since I was quite ill, the more I needed to work. What or who is going to answer my medical bills? If someone depends on you financially, the likelihood is that you need insurance. Whether it is health, life or business insurance it is a financial resource. Having left my regular employee arrangement, I managed to convince my bosses that they continue paying for my health insurance benefit in exchange for part time work. Reduced work load gave me time that I needed to attend to my illness. And it took a year before I completed all the necessary tests to give a conclusive medical prognosis. Thanks to my health care insurance I didn’t have to worry about payin...
Read more